I'm sorry that you are suffering so with such memories. Since you are already in the memory of late, can you try addressing it directly (you already did some, to us here..) Tell yourself yes that did happen, but it isn't happening now. Tell yourself that you didn't have any control of that then, but now you do and you don't need to "protect" yourself from those memories anymore. Use your own words but the emphasis is the same: validate that what you went through was truly horrible, but now you are safe and can find other ways to be safe, those things won't happen any more. TC