Calista I saw you plea for someone please post in this thread post...

Im sorry I didnt post sooner When I saw this post Im replying to, yesterday it made me feel helpless and a bit scared for you..to me it looks like you were in a Self injury/suicidal thoughts type crisis.. the words in your post that make me think this is

when I see postings about suicide I like many other members here dont reply right away. I take care of myself and my helpless and scared for you feelings first. I know that may sound selfish but none of us can be any help to others if we let suicidal postings take us down that suicidal road too.

I also read somewhere around here that these boards are not for when you are in active suicidal/self injury mode. which is another reason why I wasnt going to post in this thread.

now that I have taken care of my own helplessness feelings and scared for you feelings I reread your post...

if you really wanted to get locked up for ever you would not have posted. you would have instead done something that would get you arrested and locked up in jail for yrs or done something that would have gotten you locked up in a mental facility for yrs to come.

As for the self injury stuff of self sabotoging your progress and maybe go out and have an affair... you are right DID isnt an excuse for bad behavior. Sometimes these things do happen with DID because thats what the alters purpose/job Reason for being is..

you didnt say you ***are*** having an affair. You didnt say your alter ***is*** having an affair..

that right there tells me its well within your control whether you do it or not. if it wasnt you wouldnt have posted about it your alter would have gone out and done it.

my point is you didnt do anything wrong...,as far as I can see in this thread ...

you didnt try to kill yourself
you didnt go out and have an affair last night.
you didnt do anything that would get you locked up for ever.

you posted here instead...guess what ...you can sabotage your progress all you want and progress you are doing...even with all the negative things you try to do you are moving forwards, you are progressing..you ***have**** progressed.

my suggestion give yourself kudo's... you posted here and you kept yourself safe terrific job.

might I also suggest that next time instead of waiting/ hoping someone will post replies to a suicidal/self injury post you contact your treatment providers..

aside from the fact of how it made me feel so helpless and scared for you...there have been times when I have been on and only a handful of people were online so they could not be everywhere reading every post/every thread... theres no way of knowing if and when help will arise when you post on forum boards.

when times dictate you need someone to post right away, as soon as possible thats the time when a call to crisis lines, and your treatment providers work best. theres a post around here possibly in depression or self injury boards that has the crisis information of places to call in situaitons like this.. I would hate for you to be in this situation again and no one come to your rescue because theres not enough people online to see your post or because they are taking care of their self first.

Again give yourself lots of kudo's for keeping yourself safe last night.