Two years after a break-up, I still feel the consequences.
Sure, I have troubles of my own, that got me in a relationship like that in the first place. But I can't relax. I see threats everywhere. Not only am I generally ****ed-up about the opposite sex, I seem to attract only that type of men. Even when I meet somebody i might think is normal, turns out not to be. And it's not just me projecting things, I am very aware when I do that (and luckily, I have pretty good friends who tell me when I'm being paranoid ), somehow the bastard's plots and doings get to me via third persons.

It's like I have this obsessive need (or want) for people knowing what he really is. And yeah, I can't just go around and tell people. They wouldn't believe me anyway, probably. On rare occasions, I meet people who turn out to be his acquaintances, and usually I just stop communicating. But it bugs me. And very recently, I told someone the truth. A very shortened one, but still, the truth. Didn't go that very well.

It's very painful for me to watch people liking him. I know, I shouldn't care. And I don't care about him, not anymore, for a long time now. But a part of me wants him to be alone and miserable.

Stuff he did to me...it's unforgivable. Will I ever be able to really move on? Not in a sense of letting go the relationship, but to finally get over the trauma itself. I can't trust anyone. I don't trust anyone. I have one really close male friend who's been with me through all the crap and I think he's the only male person I ever really trusted.