So I have never done any drugs, and I really don't count pot. However, this year in college I had a very unpleasant experience with some marijuana cake. What I thought wouldn't be anything, turned into the scariest night of my life. I basically had a bad trip, and it was just the most horrifying experience. I could go into the details, but that might take a while. Basically, I left my body, had suicidal delusions, my mind felt like it was more vivid and loud, and my entire reality started to melt into what would feel like a cartoon. This lasted about 14 hours, into next morning, and has basically left me scarred with a panic disorder, that stemmed from having multiple very unpleasant "flashbacks".

I understand that people might learn from bad trips, but I seriously don't know what I learned. It just left me mentally scarred. What bothers me the most is that I don't know, and will NEVER know what was really in that cake, and this has been causing me a great deal of stress. I asked the people who made it and they just said it was just weed. I can't seem to get a good answer to this. I've asked my housemates about it, and they just said I was just really high, and the edibles can actually be very potent to that extent. However, other people I have spoken to (experienced drug users), often say that there is no way that that was JUST marijuana. I've heard people say that it was laced with pcp, lsd, etc. I will never know though. What makes it so stressful is that I can't communicate my experience very well. Who will take me seriously when I say I had a bad trip on some cake? I'd assume people would just laugh and say something to the extent of, "haha, you were just high, lsd is much more instense.", and not take me seriously. Not to sound superficial or anything, but it would at least be somewhat of a positive to at least be like yeah, I took lsd and it was a bad experience, will never do it again. But no, I had a bad trip from marijuana, and only have that to say for it. It's just odd, because people I've talked to who have taken lsd or mushrooms etc. have said they have never had anything near as intense as what I described.

Now onto my fear of psychedelics:
Well, as you might have guessed, I am terrified of tripping to begin with now. I never want to have that experience again, and overall want to stay away from drugs of all sorts, even marijuana, which I have been doing. However, it has been hard for me to be at peace with this, because the pressure to do these kinds of drugs is so high in college. Everyone glamorizes it, and makes it out to be something to be proud of (even IF they say they won't do it again.) It just feels like I'm out of the loop, like I have less experience because of this. If feel if I would ask a large group of people at my school, who here has ever taken psychedelics?, most would raise their hands. I just hate this pressure, I want to just be at peace with myself, and just enjoy having a solid state in reality. I have been struggling this entire year to get better mentally after that experience, and don't want to throw that away by taking some drug. It's just the pressure is so much, especially having lived in a house this year with heavy lsd/mushroom users, as well as having it talked about all around me. It's like I just can't escape hearing about it.