Thanks to all that replied. I haven't been here in a while so here's whats happened since I last presented my problem to you all. I had 1 surgery at the first of May. Babysitting my 2 1/2 yr old grnddaughtr after surg I knew I would need help so I moved in my son's place which is close to where the grnd daughter lives.Extra people that helped me w/her and I also wanted the time and place to destress from the last 2 years especially. That was the 1st of May,I have recieved 2 txt messages from him since then. The 1st one was asking me if I wanted to go out for supper w/the grandbaby, I said no I was busy. After all he hadn't asked in the last several years why start now. The 2nd was in regards to the baby as well.
My daughter still goes to his house to take the grand daughter to visit him. They (her and her boyfriend) weren't on the best of terms prior to my moving out, now they all get together fequently and have had outings with spouse going to the zoo,out to eat,or carry in, he has given her money for car expenses,other things like phone bill ect. She is my daughter,and they are on friendly terms now. Money talks I guess and quite frankly I don't care. They (daughter,her boyfriend,my spouse and baby are going to the beach a couple mnths from now. Odd I couldn't have paid him to do anything but now since I am not living there they have something always going on. Two years before I moved to my son's place I started as stated before removing all I planted, after working very hard for several years prior to have a yard I was proud of. After the (friend) discovery it never took on the same appearance so it was best to give it life elsewhere. Which was a good move for the plants as well as they have thrived tremendously here. I am adjusting slowly, and finding many times of less stress that I had there because of disruptions to his schedule with my babysitting hours. He mentioned to my daughter he should have talked to me more. I thought it was inappropriate of him to mention it to her, as in none of her business sort of thing. He didn't think to talk to me then why mention it to her now? So I am progressing slowly, I recently terminated my therapist to begin with 1 that is closer to my own age. The previous 1 was ok but I felt I was unable to progress within myself to finally come to an end with spouse and his (just a friend) relationship. I am still going to seek other therapy because of difficult times of rationalization, not to the point of returning to spouse but just a couple nagging things that are hanging on I need to address for closure. The biggest being his non chalant attitude after I discovered his friend, as if it was acceptable and I ended up feeling like I was blamed for the demise of the marriage because I didn't forgive and forget. Thats been a tough one.