WOW! I have not been here in awhile (even forgot my password, almost)! I appreciate all the replies/help I have received. Since last here, I really believe the DBT is my answer (it combines Zen with cognitive). It takes a lot of time and work to understand, but I'm finally understanding how to apply it. I've been very fortunate to have the chance to attend the group, at a reasonable price, and it just starting to sink in how lucky I am, and I want to work hard even though it can get very nasty and painful at times. I am very touched by your comments!