My brother is in charge of my mom's estate, along with my grandfather's estate.

Today we went to his house for a cook out. It was ok...till I saw all the stuff he's selling at his yard sale. All of mom's stuff! I saw price tags on her clothes and my heart felt like someone ripped it out and stomped on it and tore it up! Tears started welling up in my eyes and I had to just leave the yard and go to the front of the house. It was too much for me to handle.

After almost 2 years (it will be 2 years August 11th), I'm still not ready to let go. I keep everything my mom ever owned or touched or meant something to her. I have some of her blankets, her spring jacket, all her pictures (especially of ones with her in them at various ages), some of her furniture, etc. I see her stuff and I can either see her wearing them or using them in some way. I have such an unwillingness to let go...and it's even worse where my dad is concerned.

Like with my dad I'm super attached to everything that reminds me of him or that he owns...well pretty much the same thing with how I am with my mom's stuff.

I try to let go and nothing happens...nothing is being let go of. It's that way with everything in my life. Nobody taught me how to let go of things while I was growing up so now I can't even begin to let go of things.

Mom's memory is not enough for me. Knowing that she is no longer in pain does not comfort me. It's like I have to be with her to be comforted at all. I can't be comforted if there's not that physical connection. Words, memories, and stuff like that do not comfort me...they only create more pain or a feeling that someone has no clue about any of it.

Just give me my mom back. That will solve everything.