T and i talked a long time last night.
In case youre not aware of the situation, i have the best t i n the world, but she is out of the country since last july handling a family illness and stuff. She came back very briefly in Feb and then had to go back.

She doesnt know when she will be home. She said she doesnt have any answers.
Last night she said "stop waiting for me to come home. It just keeps breaking your heart when i dont get there. Stop waiting. Because i dont have any answers for you about when i can be there."

Well thats when we lost it and just started crying,
Because how in the world do we make ourselves just stop waiting for her.?
How am i supposed to handle that
How does one go about "stopping waiting"
It already feels like forever since shes been gone. T agrees it does feel like forever.
She does tell the littles when she talks to them about how she is sure she will be home again, she is sure they will go back to the park for more walks and that they will gofor ice cream again.
But then she says stuff like stop waiting.
What does that even mean?

She is the best t in the world ( just on the wrong side of the world)& we do not want any other t. This t and us are very close.
She knows every secret about us and totally loves us anyway. Last night she said she could always try sharing me with another t in my area that she knows, but we cannot even afford our t let alone another one, and there is no way that we want to start sharing stuff with a new person. There is no way anyone can compare to our t.

We do good work with our t over the phone and skype- lots of hard trauma stuff. But one of the most important and healing things has always been the hugs and hand holding and going for walks and stuff, and we also have no real privacy anymore as we can only talk at the times when my husband is also home from work. He is not even supportive of me being in therapy. We cant get into a lot of the deep stuff that we used to because of no privacy

Anyway.... I am so tired of being heartbroken
We have a lot going on and several deaths in the family and stuff. I am just very very exhausted.