Thanks guys. Yes, Yousef was my first love and I know that relationships will be different with different people. What I meant was that on the one hand, I'm still not completely over Yousef, on the other hand I love Hussain and I'm very thankful for the love and support he's given me all this time. However, these feelings I have are clashing with each other and making it hard for me to emotionally move forward whereas I thought that if I were to have a second relationship if something happened between me and Yousef, there would be that same blissful euphoria that was there when I fell in love the first time. I don't know if this is partially because of depression or something, but I want to be able to move on and feel ready to devote my heart to someone rather than feel like I need to shield it all the time.
Beauflow, yes I'm positive that some form of PTSD may have had an effect on Yousef. He never was in combat or any sort of danger, but it was the military nonetheless, he was trained for combat, weapons and everything, he didn't want anything to do with it - I blame Mubarak and the regime he had in place for forcing young men to be drafted into the military, and I blame their military for taking him and triggering his pain. I also blame myself for not finding the options I'd found sooner and not fighting harder sooner to salvage what we had. But all I can do is ask, "why?"
RomanSunburn, I'm glad you and your husband were lucky enough to have overcome the distance. Yes, I know that the distance can cause money issues. Being a student, I took this factor into account very early on, sticking to tools like Facebook, Yahoo and MSN messengers and Skype, which have been very helpful and huge money savers.
Anne, you're right in that there's something about that first love that's just pure exhilaration. I just hope that if I'm lucky enough to have a future with Hussain, that I can be a better partner for him and I myself can be a better person as a whole.
How does one heal from something like this? How do I keep my feelings for Yousef from hindering my feelings for Hussain?
Thanks for your support guys, this is so much better than what others have said to me.