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Originally Posted by sabby
((((((((((( LydiaB )))))))))))
I've been reading your posts and my heart goes out to you LydiaB. This is not an easy decision for you to make, which way should you go. I wouldn't be surprised if it's raising Cain inside you right now. Lots of fear, apprehension and anxiety maybe?
Not quite knowing what to expect can cause all kinds of problems for any individual. It's not just a D.I.D thing, it can be an everyone thing. It brings it's own fear along with it doesn't it?
I think it can be hard to accept at times that each person travels their own ground and at their own speed when it comes to healing. You can't compare yourself to others and expect that what happened for them is the way it should happen for you. Yes, you may have very similar circumstances and outcomes, but getting to those outcomes may come in very many different ways.
One thing I've always realized is that one never knows what an outcome will be if one doesn't give it a try. It will never be "easy", no matter when you go through what needs being done to help you. It may be the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life. But you truly don't know if it's right for you if you don't try it. Even if you find that it's not right for you at this particular time, doesn't mean you are failing and it doesn't mean that it won't be right in the future.
I'm not saying that you don't know yourself well enough to make this decision. What I'm saying is, sometimes we have to push ourselves to try something we think may fail. We have to try to open our minds up to different ideas, even if it's just taking a peek at them in the beginning.
If you decide to go into this program, I would imagine that if you need to stop it, it can be stopped no? You are not being mandated by the court to enter the program, so no one can hold you there against your will right? If that is the case, then you have an "out" so to speak if you find that the program isn't right for you at this time and place. Does it help you to realize that? I hope so.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.....
sabby |
Yes Sabby I was willing to go into the program and try it out, but my provider changed her mind and told me I wouldn't be going because I wasn't ready to recall memories. But I'm not going to sit around and pull memories out of thin air to please a therapist, that's how you get false memories. I am now settling in with the idea that I will not be going to Sheppard Pratt and my parts are feeling safe with that. To prepare them I treated us to new body wash, shampoo, etc to go, and it helped to make them feel safe going. I can't stand the wishy washy thing they do with me. She said that if I went and it didn't work that I would be burning bridges for help in the future. That's a lot of pressure. Then she made me feel bad ("You're wasting thousands and thousands of dollars of your insurances money".) I always feel bad about being a bother to people, so now I'll probably never go.
And I agree I can't compare myself with others. Thank you.