It seems like your husband has a lot of anger he just doesn't know what to do with.
He really SHOULD see a therapist to help him, even to validate his hurt pride and anger so he can finally move on.

You have not gone into detail here about what you have done in the past to upset him so I can't really see what in particular may be bothering him that you may not realize.

And your husband may not be truely consciously aware of how he hangs on to this anger and then it just builds up like a pressure cooker in him and then he behaves like this towards you. It doesn't sound like he has found ways to handle his stress well either. Hey, he is only human and he probably needs some help.

And it may be good for you and your husband to get some marriage counceling. You do not know how to respond to him in a way that can effectively signal him to actually stop and calm down either.

Now, I know it is tricky to actually get a man into therapy sometimes as often they take that suggestion as "something is now wrong with them" and that can make them very reluctant and even more angry. So, the way to handle that is to sit down with him quietly (would be a good idea to have a good coucelor in mind first) and tell him that you want to listen to him, you are sorry you fail him in someway and you would like to be assisted by a therapist so you can learn how. And in order to do that, it would be better if you both went to work this out with a therapist.

And if you can get him to that place with a therapist, and the therapist is a good one, the therapist will make him feel comfortable enough so that he is open to more therapy. And it should a therapist that also does private counceling and maybe (if the therapist is good at it) he can see that his way to finally getting "heard" is in therapy.

Unfortunately MANY people form patterns of behavior that are just not productive for anyone including themselves. And often what happens is they get very angry and frustrated because they don't see how they unknowingly sabatoge themselves and their relationships with others. But it doesn't mean they can't learn to overcome that problem. What has to take place is that they have to consciously see it. And they have to be shown in a way that they are not just put on the defensive, but are addressed as though they are very capable of making some adjustments.

It is not unusal for couples to have conflicts and not have the skills to see the problems or ways to fix it on their own. We have to be allowed to GROW in relationships and not everyone knows quite how to do that.

So, the suggestion I have for you is to reach out for help. And if you cannot gain by that, then maybe the only solution is to end the relationship.

Open Eyes