I know all of you are concerned, and it means a lot to me that you all care and understand, but I swear to you that it's not that bad. First of all my husband is a work junkie, he works ALOT. He's not home very much at all and when he is he stays up for a couple hours and hits the hay. Second, I'm not as weak as my posts kind of make me sound, I don't allow him to completely have control over me, and he doesn't beat me physically, just emotionally.

I feel that it's important that I too take responsibility for the problems I cause in our relationship too. I'm very verbally abusive to him, I constantly threaten to kick him out, tell him I hate him, and tell him I'm very unhappy. Not in front of the babies, of course, but still it's not right. I think he hurts me verbally just as much as hurt him.

He can't control me to where he wouldn't allow me to have the car keys and such. The car is mine, titles in my name, and he knows if he tried to take my keys away from me I could easily call the cops........which I've never done before, but still that's a possibility.

He needs me and has no other option to either work with me, put up with my unhappiness, or try to work with me to get our marriage on track. The Apartment is mine, cars mine, and all our furniture and belongings are mine. Plus I get loans, grants, and scholarships that I'm sure he appreciates as well. That and he knows he would have to leave the kids with me because I would never allow him to custody (Kids can't even sleep without me).

I still have an upper hand here, he needs me just as much as I need him. I think I have some power over decisions as well. I just have allowed him to set boundaries for me as if I were a child.

Although our marriage is quite loveless as you can tell, I think I owe him something I could never give him. He taught me many things about life, he opened his heart to me and teached me life altering things about love and life that my parents would never understand because of their own mental illnesses. He is also putting me through college and kicking my butt along when I'm at the verge of giving up on my education, he desires that I be dependant......he may be setting me up before we split up.

IDK.....it's obvisiouly not the best situation for my children and I, but it's not the worse either. He does love his children, and he does value me. He always tells me I'm a very good mother.

I think if we were to seek counseling, and he was to get help for his drinking, that this marriage could be saved, I want this to work and prosper for our children.