I truely feel the for you, the pain you are going through comes through in your words so powerfuly, i have tried suicide in the past a few times, and thank god it didnt work because i am better now and i love my life, if you have feel you have nothing to cling to, no reason to be here, think about your family, even if they are upset with you or have distanced themselves from you they love you with all their hearts. the devasation you will leave behind will be far more painful to your family than the pain you are feeling right now. please believe me when i tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel, there is always HOPE! just take it a day at a time or an hour at a time if you have to, dont think to far in advance. PLEASE take care of yourself, down the road you will be glad you did. you will be in my thoughts and prayers