Oh my....this is such an emotional post for all of us. I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I think the worse loss is a loss of a child, somebody who was apart of you in every way.

You came to the right place, everybody is great here, loving, compassionate, and understanding. I personally haven't experienced this situation that you have, but I can feel your pain through your post.

This is a serious loss, and for years this may be emotionally and mentally effective on your heart and mind. I think it would be the best for you to receive support through a grief support group, or even a therapist. Your mind has been through a lot, more then the average person.

I'm saddened that the father is not around to support you through this grieving process, but that's okay, we are here for you and we will do what we can. I think listening is a great when a person needs to vent a cry.

Are you receiving any support from family and friends?

Please do not allow your sadness to keep you away from PC. Talking through this will benefit you, and you definitely need all the loving support you can get.

I'm going to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You take care of yourself okay.