I've been posting here alot lately. So maybe some of you are familuar with a little of what I'm going threw? I fianially go to see the T today. Man what a week. The T suggested we halt trauma work. We are wasting money if I am presently in a trauma setting. I cannot deal with one trauma and live in another trauma. I'm in an emotionally abusive controlling relationship. I'm tired of dealing with my husband but don't know if it the trauma's affecting us or if us being married just is not a good match.
I have been doing the beginings of trauma work for rape and neglect as a child. My husband needs to do trauma work for be beat by his alcohoilc father and having to raise his twin brothers. I've never been told it is not safe to go there (mentally). So I guess I'm really screwed up. I'm working on weather or not to stay with my husband. The T suggested maybe seperating while doing the trauma work and joining together throught out and put our sessions together from time to time. Them if desired go from seperated and not in the same home to being a married couple again. It would be costly but the question is would it be worth it in the end. Do we want to stay together that badly.
At this point I can officially say I'm done and am grasping at everything possible to keep things intact. I think my trauma's are helping control what I think. I have depression, recently lost my job, the controlling and arguing have been taking it's toll. My husband can be a good guy we've just been at odds for so long I think it's become a way of life. I want that way of life to end and something normal take it's place. I can see us working things out in the long run. Looking 10 years down the road I see it with him in the picture.
I just needed to vent. I'm scared, I'm afraid, I'm nervous, and I'm alone to much for my own good. Please pray that God will give me an answer soon. (One in nice bright lights so I don't miss it) If the Lord speaks in a small still voice I'm in big fat trouble, I live in a big noisy house and I have alot of chatter going on inside of my head.