farmergirl: I agree with you! Totally. I bet you're surprised I said that. I've never been diagnosed with it but I think I have OCD. For some reason, I feel a need to go over and over my thoughts and feelings. Part of the reason may be to keep them alive, to be sure it really happened and I'm not deceiving myself. Along with that goes my need to have others validate my thoughts and feelings.

I KNEW, in my rational mind, that my thread was done, and any more would confuse me and serve no purpose. I KNEW that my T accepted me, her words were helpful, and I can feel good about it. But I couldn't, and can't let it go. The problem is that I feel like I need the outside validation, and the only place I can get it is here. I'm being totally honest. When my thread "disappears", I feel let down, like what I wrote isn't as significant as I thought. Or isn't real. Or no one cares about me anymore.

But it's MY life. Not anyone else's here. I shouldn't need anyone else's validation for what went on in my session. I shouldn't even need to post about it! I shouldn't need to analyze it to death.

So, this is the here and now. Needing help with this forum. How can I not feel like I have to get an endless supply of validation for my own feelings, and not go round and round? I'm even doing that right now, asking this question. I see the problem, Chris. You're smart for pointing it out. Not to put you on the spot, but what do you think I should do about it? I guess this is called rumination or something like that. Obsessive thinking.

One more thought. I WAS okay until I thought I needed to talk about it more, and post more. It felt like a compulsion to talk about how I felt at my session. I don't KNOW why that is. I used to journal but now I feel like I need the validation and feedback. I know it's an issue in itself that I've skirted around in my therapy. Probably not enough.

My T did say I'm spending too much time on this forum. Maybe she's right.