Thank you all for such great advice. I will probably buy some new coloring books and crayons and try that in the back seat with her. Sleeping through the drive would be nice but since the accident i cant sleep in a car. My fiance and I were going into the city for my birthday and I was tired so I put the seat back and went to sleep. Woke up with him yelling my name and a tow truck headed right at us. Now i dont blame my fiance one bit for the accident but he blames himself. It was my car and he was driving and it was totaled. Apparently according to witnesses the tow truck had been swerving for miles. When we went around the turn the truck was in our lane headed right at us, both vehicles going 60mph. My fiance swerved to avoid getting hit, we ran off the road and thats when i woke up. To avoid slamming into the trees he jerked back onto the road, it had just gotten done raining to the car spun and tboned a ford explorer. We were in a 2 door hatch back. The explorer glipped 3 times and our car spun out until it finally came to a stop. My fiance did what he could to keep us alive, but i cant help but think had i not gone to sleep i would have seen it coming and told him to blow the horn to get the tow truck drivers attention.
so im now the worst at back seat driving. Im always freaking out, always pointing to stopped cars, always warning about bad drivers coming up, im a wreck in the car. And i refuse to sleep on these drives. My mom has valium 5mg and gave me about 10 over the last 11 months, i would take half of one before going in the car for longer than 10 minutes. Ive been on valium mamy times before when my anxietu spikes but my t wants to drug test me before giving me any. No doubt i will pass the test but i dont take the test until thursday.
So im taking this trip with no help from meds, just me facing my fear. I would like to take stops but every time i get in the car for a long ride my whole attitude changed. My anxiety causes me to clam up, i get so uncomfortable and nervous that it puts me in a bad mood. I get desperate for the ride to be done, so much that i get frustrated any time we have to stop. Because i just want to get there as soon as possible to feel ok again. I fill with anxiety before we even leave, and stay that way until returning home because i know i will have a long ride home too. The feeling of setting my feet on solid ground after the trip or when we reach our destination is the only relief i get. I hate this. Driving used to be my absolute favorite thing to do, get in the car and go for a long ride across country. A way to clear my mind. Now getting in the car terrifies me.
I will try distractions, they often work with other fears. Perhaps now is a good time to add a couple more positive affirmations to me list