As soon as I came out of my room just now, I discovered that my roommate was really mad at me.

I did my DBT, tried to stay calm. I asked him what was on his mind. He told me he was angry with me because I expected him to be finished with cleaning the fridge in an hour. I was hungry and thirsty and he was on the phone. And yes, I was irritated cause he often stops what he's doing (incl. conversations with me) to answer the phone, stays on the phone for hours and then does not finish what he starts until much later. So the freaking fridge door is turned around, is out of my reach, I am hot and thirsty and try to keep my voice down. I go, "Bruce, I was hoping you were finished, but I guess the phone rang. I need to get something to drink please."

He helped me and I thanked him and for the rest of the day, I thought we were cool.

Then he's cold as ice to me just now, and I did get it out of him that he was angry; he told me that I "needed to be more understanding about his taking time with the fridge".

I told him that the phone had rung and he was busy talking to his friend while the fridge was sitting there not being cleaned. I told him I was hot and thirsty and hungry and thought it was okay to ask him to help me get the food and drink; did not know I was "abusive" to him; had kept my voice down, did not act mean or anything.

Then he says, "Billi, you've been grouchy lately."

I go, "Okay, I was grouchy today, and I am sorry about today. I am sorry about being upset about the fridge. I am glad you told me, but I was grouchy---lately? I didn't know I was grouchy longer than today. What was I doing all week?"

He goes, "I don't know..." then tunes me out. Then he said something that really hurt, again. He had said this before many times and I had, last year, told him how it made me feel. He goes, "I sure like cats better than people. Everone I meet is nuts."

Thank goodness I knew that right now I was in a bad mood. With this knowledge I was able to control myself.

It was all I could do to say to him, "I am glad she makes you happy." (referring to his cat). I said this keepiong my voice down and neutral. And I understood that he did relate to animals better than to people.

But it still hurt. That part about people being nuts. I know I am one of the nuts, to him.

My mentor talked to me and reminded me Bruce did not mean to hurt me.

But still I get pretty sick of him (bruce) telling me over and over again how much better cats are than people. I am people and it still hurts my feelings no matter how I cut the square.

Billi