Lately I've been feeling worse than I usually do. I was doing good, hanging with friends, happy, and outgoing, but recently, about a few days ago, I've been feeling terrible. I've felt it before many times and it is not fun. It's just like this numb, empty feeling and I don't like it. I used to, I used to love it, but now not so much.

It's making my mind wander to stupid places. I have urges to hurt myself, do drugs, or drink. The urges to hurt myself though are very strong, and I don't know how long I'll be able to handle it.

What's not helping my depression is this stupid child support case going on with my parents even though I am 19. Apparently if my parents are divorced and I go to college, they have to pay for some of it. And if I'm living with them, then one of them has to pay child support. Long story short, I just feel like a sack of money to them. I live with my mom, but I'm staying with my dad at the moment, and I feel like they're trying to tear me away from the other just for money, and it's not a good feeling. I ended up crying for hours last night because of it.

I'm surprised I was even able to type this. I keep zoning out and not wanting to come back to reality, even though I hate the feeling. It's weird, I don't know. I just don't feel good emotionally.