Thank you guys!! I fell asleep for a few hours after the sun rose, and I'm going off of that now. I'd love to see a therapist, honestly I think about things and internalize them so much that it'd be great to get some fresh eyes, but honestly I don't think that's something my dad would allow. And, even though I'm 18, I don't have the money by myself to get one. It's summer now and then college, so maybe I'll make enough then.

But, really, thank you. It's really nice to hear from other people about this. I don't talk to anyone about it. My dad has enough stress on his plate and I get uncomfortable mentioning negative things with my friends. A few of them know but they also know well enough not to bring it up. I don't get angry, but, I just usually don't know how to respond. It's easier to talk about it on the computer. I don't have to face anyone directly... I just can't help but feel ashamed, awfully ashamed because I can't stop living in the past. Why is it so hard to get over? It's not like it's still happening. No one's hurting me but me. And it's just... embarrassing, I guess. To be so afraid of stupid things like sleep.