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Originally Posted by cowboy1
You know alot of people around except a few that I have been around think getting over a mate dieing is suppose to be easy. I don't understand what people think sometimes when they talk to you some say the most stupidest things and hurt your feeling's. Everyone has something bad happen to them but it hurt's more when you have someone say something to you that eather realy hits the heart or something bad about that person they lost. I am not saying that anyone who looses a sister brother aunt ect doe's not feel pain or remorse because anyone who goe's through death feel's it hard and alway's will we are human. But every death is differant in the way that you feel in alot of factores. How close you are who they where what they ment in your life what you respect them for ect. But for ssome reason loosing a soule mate that you have devoted yourself to for the rest of your life is alittle differant. I don't know why but it is. It seem's to hurt more and make you feel lost and worthless not only to yourself but it makes you think your worthless to other's. I feel that all the time since febuary and it don't feel good. You would give everything and anything even your own life just to have that person back again. The thing is some people try to say thing's to you and compare what happened to them like they lost an aunt which is tragic but they don't understand it's differant than the feelings of someone who lost there wife or husband. That would be like compareing if an oreng is an apple they are differant and they tast differant so why compare them. So maybe I ask why do people don't think before they talk? Like my real father saying to me as I was holding my loves hand in the hospital as she lay there dead and me crying get over it shes dead move on. I have had other's say stuff but what makes a person so incensitive/
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Hi ((((cowboy1)))) - I think grief is a very personal thing. Firstly we all have different relationships with people, so your relationship with her was different from others and also we as individuals are all different and we react in different ways. The way you are feeling right now isn't wrong, it is how you feel and that is that, there is no right or wrong about it.
You know my dad died a few weeks ago, I was very sad when he died, but I didn't see my dad everyday and much of my life on a day to day basis goes on without any change. I still have my breakfast without him, I still go to work etc.. But for my mum, she was with him since she was 17, they would have been married for 56 years a month after he died. To her the loss is very different. He was her life and that has left such a huge hole. She puts on a brave face, I call her everyday. Sometimes when she says she is OK, I ask her how shw is really and how she has been in terms of dad not being there and then she cries. I don't mean to make her cry, but I don't want for everyone to put on a brave face. Death is such a horrible thing to face and I don't think the alternative is to be brave and pretend it hasn't happened, to not talk about the person. I think it is good to remember, to talk, to cry, shout, scream or whatever - I think it is the talking that helps us slowly to have brighter times in our day when we can remember and talk about the fond memories and not just about the hole.
It is not wrong how you feel, she sounds like she was so special to you, as you say your soul mate and I think how you are feeling now reflects just how important she was to you. It is utterly unfair that she was taken so early, but great that in this huge world you did find each other. Just keep talking my friend (((cowboy!))) - we are here for you.
Take great care, you matter -
Soup