Unless people are being outright callous, I don't think they mean any harm... Idk your father, but I can think of 2 non-hurtful reasons he might have said that: 1. He is not the verbal type, and could've meant, let her go, she's gone. 2. He was deeply affected by your pain and wanted you stop torturing yourself... People try to relate to our loss to make us feel less alone, it's not their fault that they don't understand the difference between losing an aunt or husband. Atleast they're trying... The day my dad died, my friends and family said things that I thought was stupid. My own siblings didn't understand cos to me I was losing my daddy AGAIN, as my eldest brother, who was a father figure had been murdered only 2 months before... My 1 friend who I hadn't been close to in yrs, she said, 'nothing I say will make you feel better, but I'm here for you' THAT was what I needed, how did she know? She lost her dad some yrs ago too... So I guess my point is that people aren't trying to be mean when they're trying to understand. I like soup's idea of 'keep talking' it has helped my family as a whole in a huge way... Take care