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Originally Posted by Open Eyes
(((splitter))),
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Thank you for your elaborate response. Honestly, thank you.
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When we experience or relate with a person who is a preditor and we end up suffering because of it, it is very normal to desire to expose the danger of this person to others who may also fall victim to the person.
And the statement, "I know I should not care" is what TOO many seem to think. And because of that, more people fall victim of these preditiors. So the fact that you "do" care is not unhealthy, you simply do not want others to continue to give this preditor power.
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That's exactly what he is. A predator.
But, what concerns me the most, it isn't just me worrying about other people's well-being, it's my wish for him to be exposed for what he really is for MY need for justice. Because I feel I've been wronged. And I have been, in most horrible ways. Someone so close to you (as he was to me) should never treat you like a piece of crap, should not manipulate you, daily.
And when I get those urges I feel weak, as if I am giving in to my basic instincts, as if I am becoming...him (again).
I don't want to be that person, I don't want to hate. But sometimes I think I really hate him. I didn't think so (or I wasn't aware of that) for a long, long time. But something happened, an unfortunate event, where his evil paws were, once again, all over my fragile psyche, and it has woken up the monster.
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However, when we DO warn others we cannot control "how they respond" to this information we are providing. But what we do accomplish is that we have put a "question" in the other person's mind about this possible preditor. They may continue relating with this preditor and yet in a more careful way as to not be harmed themselves. It all depends on what kind of relationship a preditor has with others around him/her. And a preditor is usually very intelligent and can be very convincing in his/her ways of making others feel comfortable and even as if they are "gaining" special privilages while they are connected to or around the preditor.
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This is exactly what happened. And it frustrates me to the point of boiling anger (and I am very anger-prone, especially when things are unjust). But I can't do ****. I'm not even sure I want to, in this particular situation.
The worst part of all this is that I became obsessive about "knowing". Tho I know I'll never know the whole story. I know what might have happened, but his peers are a closed group of not so nice people, and he is their "leader". Relatively normal people steer clear of him and his friends, usually.
This situation triggered a lot of things I've been subjected to during our relationship, things I let him do to me and those things I didn't want to see. I even blamed his friends for him becoming the person I was beginning to discover he is, only to discover it's not
them. It's him.
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Now, we just saw an example of that with the Sandusky case where he was finally seen for really being a preditor verses the "game" he was playing to conceal his real motives. Sandusky presented himself as someone who cared about children and parents felt they were lucky to have "their child" mentored by this man, even when their children expressed fear and lack of desire to be around this man.
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I had to google that.
What scares me is how do they get unnoticed? Why don't people speak up? Sure, Sandusky got his punishment and public humiliation (which I do think is really important fot the victims of his crimes), but how many of those bastards don't get discovered? And if you tell people around you (not only your closest friends and family) you risk being called a crazy person, vindictive ex-girlfriend/friend/colleague and an attention-seeker.
There is still stigma on the victims, sadly.
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The most you can do is alert others, however that will never guaruntee that others will, infact, believe you. And this kind of experience does happen to many people, so you are not alone in this experience. Unfortunately, these preditors ARE very smart and they DO know how to "decieve" very effectively. And often they gain a lot of popularity as well because they figure out "how" to make people feel that they are doing well by being connected to this preditor.
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No, it doesn't. Some of my friends (that were not as close to me as those who were with me through it all, while it was happening) were very skeptical. Imagine the others who are not my friends. So I mostly stopped talking. But it happened that I kinda...liked somebody who was in a way connected to him( which I didn't know in the beginning). And there was no other way but telling the truth, tho I already knew what was about to happen. I wanted to be fair.
Ok, so the predator is a very well-spoken bastard with profound powers of deception. But what with those who know what he is and STILL decide to be in his surroundings, even if not as close to him as they might have been before they found out? WTF is wrong with those people? What is their gain in all that?
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This happens ALL THE TIME. It happens in schools, government, churches, sports of all kinds, the legal system itself, even doctors and dentists and police any place people gather in groups under some kind of unbrella of an organized group.
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How about a social group?
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I am very sorry that you have been exposed to a preditor. It is always a very troubling experience and even more troubling when you try to speak up and it feels like no one is listening.
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Thank you for your words and support. If it was someone else, and not me, I'd know exactly what to say and advise. Sadly, when it comes to my own emotions, processing and coping with them, it's a bit harder.
I'd want the whole world to know what a scumbag he is and what he's done to me and the other girls (yeah, there's others as well), but it's impossible. I guess I'm trying to find a way to handle that bitter truth.
I am not big on hugging
, and this is the first forum I've come towhere it's actually an option, but you definitely deserve one.
