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Originally Posted by Open Eyes
"I seem to attract only that type of men"~quote splitter
This is something that you have to evaluate in more depth. Preditors are usually "very carasmatic" and they DO enjoy a challenge as well. Sometimes they prey on those that they feel "will not be believed" or are in some way "weak". So there are several preditors that choose children and young teens who may not have anyone who will really believe them or may be just too inexperienced to speak up. And ofcourse there are preditors that choose unsuspecting vulnerable women as well.
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Well, all my relationships (long-term or not) had that "psycho" element. I was mostly the oppressed one. I have BPD and I am very low on self-esteem. I'm also pretty depressed at times and I've had a very rough childhood (physical and verbal abuse). I've had problems with substance abuse and self-harm in the past. Pretty much every symptom of BPD there is - I've had it.
I'm also very honest about all of that so I tell my partners who I am relatively early. I don't pretend I'm something I'm not. Guess that makes me perfect for their doings?
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And sometimes preditors will choose someone who they feel is popular in some way, they actually enjoy being able to degrade this person and consider it an enjoyable battle of witts. Remember often preditors are very smart and their source of a sense of achievement is by dismantling someone who may be on to them or they consider an intellectual challenge of some kind.
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I don't want to sound cocky, but this is what usually happens. In the beginning, it's all very bright and shiny, they're amazed with me, my intellect, my boldness and all the stuff they think I am, and then soon it goes down to the everlasting humiliation road. I become stupid, ignorant, not pretty enough, not wealthy enough, slutty, overly talkative, too drunk, too happy, to sad, too something, too...everything. And when they're done with me, when they've discovered my most intimate emotions, my most intimate fears, they just move on to the next.
The one I've opened this topic about has had a very weird obsession with my brother. He wanted to BE him. Of course, that wasn't possible, so he did what he think was the closest. He ****ed the only thing my brother can't. Me. (his words)
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You may have qualities about you that look inviting that you are not aware of. And you may have a victim mentality of somekind that they can see and pick to prey on.
And if you are attracted to carasmatic intelligent people? Then you have to learn how to better evaluate these people and also see how they gain popularity as well.
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My self-image is very unstable. One day I can be very very aware of my qualities, and on the same day in the afternoon I will be very depressed and will want to die. (I am not suicidal at the moment, just sometimes wish I didn't exist or feel like I actually don't)
Yes, I am almost exclusively attracted to charismatic, intelligent and witty people, very often with a weird sense of humour and feeling for the absurd. They are mostly a bit on the shy side, not alpha males, with many problems which I will, of course, solve. I will rescue them and we'll happily ride off in the sunset.
It's actually a bit more complicated than that, but I've come to the place where I can spot them early on, and then I just run. But it still freaks me out how every guy I get attracted to is similar to the previous one. Even if he has only some traits than those before him. The last one I liked seemed different, in many things. But it wasn't meant to be.
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If you look back on your experience with this preditor, the signs of his real nature are there to see. And always remember, "if it looks or sounds too good to be true, chances are, it IS too good to be true".
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If it looks like duck....
Oh, sure, there were indicators. I merrily ignored them. I was so focused in how to get them to like me, to need me and to love me, that I completely ignored the fact that there are parts that I don't like, don't need and most definitely, would NOT love about them.
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People in general WANT to be accepted and be part of a group and that can make them feel worthy. However, preditors also know this too and they definitely utialize that aspect in people.
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What about a person who makes people feel bad about themselves, at first, but then switches and turns "nice"? I've seen it happen and for the most part, it's pretty effective form of manipulation.
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I think most people come across a least one preditor in their lives. And the end result has often been, an over all lack of trust in others.
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I grew up with two of them. My father and my brother. So, I know why I'm doing what I'm doing. It's just very hard to stop. (and is nowhere NEAR justifying those I run across in the process)
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The golden rule is that if we have just one or two people in our lives that we can call friends and really trust, we are lucky.
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I know that, and even tho it's a common phrase, agree with it. But it still doesn't diminish the pain and hurt caused by others. Or the anger towards them. :/
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It is very common to be disappointed in other people that we begin to trust in our lives. It is a challenge to learn "how" to find people that we "can" trust. And sometimes we can think someone who is really genuine, as not being genuine as well.
The truth is that there are a lot of bad people in the world. So it can be a challenge to find people that we can connect with and really feel safe with them.
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Yes, I know. It's all true, [self-pity mode on] but some people are just prone (for various reasons) to meeting those that are insincere, sinister even.
And those people just get ****ed over, repeatedly. I am one of them. [self-pity mode off]
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You are not alone in how you feel.
(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes
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