"I grew up with two of them. My father and my brother. So, I know why I'm doing what I'm doing. It's just very hard to stop. (and is nowhere NEAR justifying those I run across in the process)"quote~splitter

(((splitter))),
This is what you know, what you grew to deal with in your environment. And because of this you feel most comfotable with this type of person, but this is a subconscious thing as well. Yes, part of you knows this and are attracted to it, and perhaps you keep trying to fix it too somehow.

We cannot "fix" these kind of people, they have WANT to fix themselves and actually see their own poor behaviors. And it is often a rarety this happens because often these people really don't see their faults.

BPD, I met someone here that had that disorder that seemed so nice but lost too so I asked my T about it. My T told me that most people who have BPD have suffered abuse as children and the result is BPD. Often they have a stima attached to them as being bad or not treatable, but my T tells me that they are very treatable. And some also have PTSD as well.

I have no doubt that you get extremely angry and you want justice for the person who, for all intense purposes, abused you. And yes, these people CAN have a tight knit group of people that they join together with as well. And often this group may not be welcomed by healther groups of people. Yes, sometimes they can be a draw for those that are curious or have some other issues where they are attracted by this "social group".

Oh I hear you about how many people are blind and will not see the truth. And this is actually a part of human nature, sadly.

Whatever you have come to "know" about yourself that sets you up with the wrong partners, can be changed. Really, you are not going to get in a healthy relationship with someone who is damaged emotionally or disfunctional in some way. Many women DO fall into that trap. Eh, partly because women ARE nurturing by nature. But what that presents in a relationship, is the woman ends up taking on more of a mother role. And that just isn't healthy, because if the partner does grow up, they do what so many do, want to take their new knowledge and venture out on their own.

It is much better to find someone without so much baggage. Forget the desire to "rescue" because it is fruitless and exhausting.

You would do well with a therapist that can help you with all of this. It sounds like you are making the same mistakes. It seems like you are expecting a different outcome, and that is not working for you. Time to learn your way past this psychological trap you are in.

Hey, we all tend to be drawn to what we know, even when it is not good for us. Often many do not see the reality of WHY they choose unhealthy mates.

Open Eyes