I'm in the very same position. Name calling everything I do is wrong. I try to change to what he wants and then thats wrong. PLEASE be careful. You sound like me and I would hate for you to be where I am now. I have lost my idenity. I'm no longer who I used to be, I've tryed to be the person he's created. HE hates that person to. SO he ruined me. I 've lost me in this 18 year marriage. On top of that throw in some control and there you go a life of meds just to cope with life.
On the plus side my hubby and I are in counceling 4-5 weeks now. It's been o.k. I share info to easily. I just want someone to hear. My hubby is a little more guarded in what he shares. My T suggest we do counceling appart with different T's w/in the same office and then put our findings together. or Seperate while we work on things. The first sounds doable but expensive. The 2nd option, I don't know if I'd return. I don't know if he would get crazy angry with me.
Any way sorry I took a conversation about you and turned it into one about you. Your post triggered something in me. and I just spilled the beans. I hope you find the answers you are looking for. Start with church. Threw Christ all things are possible.