the message i received growing up was that i had to be perfect in order to be loved. i took this message with me into adulthood. oh the stress it caused me. i would become devastated over the smallest mistake.

my perfectionism was pointed out over and over when i was killing myself in college. i needed a hundred percent in everything. i wanted those A's. a 91 percent wasnt good enough. i did the extra credit at every opportunity. i studied like crazy. i realized i didnt need to be killing myself. nobody cared. nobody loved me any less. nobody was judging me anymore. i was instead being judged for my perfectionism. i learned to let go. i stopped killing myself, judging myself when i got a 98 instead of a 100.

im much more relaxed today not worrying about being perfect. i just do my best and know that my best is going to be good enough because i know that i am good at what i do. and mistakes get made and i apologize for them and do what i can to make them right. and people think its funny when i make mistakes because people think so highly of me it makes me human. people make mistakes. i had to learn that. working thru my ptsd issues helped me handle making mistakes. my world stopped crashing down around me and it because just a simple mistake instead of a catstrophe. my dad is not controlling my life anymore. i am worthy of love today. i dont have to be perfect. neither do you.