I'm 21 years old male and I think I might have a problem with masturbation. I've been doing it since I could remember even as far as a 6 years old, masturbating before I could ejaculate. The fact that my father who've I've never seen had sex addiction doesn't help. My mother is completely different and the opposite from me or my father. I tried explaining to her as a teen years ago, maybe when I was 15 but she just didn't want to hear.

She says there is nothing wrong.

For some reason in the back of my mind, I remember someone not in my family talking to me while both of us where naked. I'm not sure but I think I might have been a toddler, at least old enough to walk. Someone standing next to me older explaining that they and I had "something different" then one another, that being genitals. Other then that, I've always known what sex was from a very young age.

I remember simulating having sex with a doll as a 6 year old and realizing it wasn't a good thing. The frequency increase when I hit teenage years and its only gotten worse with the introduction of porn.

I've been trying to stop, I've only been able to reach a week before I can't go on. I get very angry when I don't masturbate. I don't do nothing, but I feel inside very agitated and depressed on the inside. I don't want to replace it with alcohol or drugs because I know my addictive personality. I usually stop myself masturbating because I know there is no limit to my habit. I know I can go on masturbating because I've had to catch myself multiple times.

This is where my OCD comes into effect. Its hard for me to stop anything I do. Anything in which I feel comfortable with. Anything that's a constant and never changes, is hard for me to stop. There is no stop switch in my head, it just doesn't turn off. Its almost like a rubber band, one I have its hard for me to put down even if I stretch it as far as I can. From a jacket that I wear everyday in grade school to masturbation, I can't put it down. I've stopped with the jacket and I've stop masturbating multiple times a day but I continue to masturbate. There is no joy to it, its just there to lower how bad I feel on the inside because I didn't do.

Thing is if I stop for a period of time, my head becomes cloudy, I can't think straight, and its hard for me to sleep. Its hard for me to do anything, the worst being I get very angry. Nothing that's physical or anything but inside I just feel agitated and angry with allot of energy.

I don't know what to do. This is starting to bother me. Why cant I stop? There is a psychology area in my university but I don't want my family to know. I don't want anyone to know, but I need help. Having no money and being a university student I don't know what else to do.