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Originally Posted by Secretum
Hi! Unlike most people here, I can actually relate quite well to you. I have a strange form of bp, lol. I have been dx'd with bipolar I disorder (but sometimes I feel that I fit better w/ bipolar II because I've never been fully manic. Pdocs are weird; I'd know as I want to be one  ).
Anyway, I can relate to the fast cycling. This was what I was going through when I was first diagnosed; here is a post that I made that is very similar to what you are doing now; I think that you may find it informative.
I personally believe that ultradian cycling (cycling within a 24 hr period) is a lot more common than most people, including MH professionals, believe.
As for whether or not reading about hypomania can induce hypomania in you...that's an interesting question that I've been asking myself lately. I found that some symptoms of mine intensified once I had read about others' experiences. For example, I had had suicidal thoughts before, but once I found out how common they were among bp sufferers, the sui thoughts got a lot more intense and frightening. It's almost as if I had discovered that it was "ok" to feel that way, and finally allowed myself to experience my emotions at their full intensity.
Your hypomania may have been genuine, but I think that it is more likely that it was induced. The interesting question is this: could a normal, non-bp person induce hypomania in themselves, or do you have to have a bipolar diathesis to "run" such a "program"? It could be argued that you have to be bipolar in the first place if you can make yourself hypomanic. I'm not diagnosing you (not a pdoc yet!  ) but these are my thoughts.
You might also want to check out Jim Phelps's stuff; he is a pdoc who specializes in mood d/o's, and he does a good job of describing "lighter" forms of bipolar.
Also, it is possible to be a functional depressive. That, again, is something that I can relate to. I never get so low that I can't leave my bed. I think that this may be age related for us. We're college students; the high school days with mother bashing us over the head with a figurative broomstick if we didn't get up and go to school are still rather fresh in our minds. We feel a stronger obligation to function than those who are older. Also, this disorder tends to worsen with age.
I don't know if you have bp or not; let us know what your pdoc says after you are evaluated! I've seen 4 pdocs, and three of them have dx'd me with bp of some form. (The fourth thought that I had "mood disorder not otherwise specified". Whatever that is...  ) |
Hey thanks so much! Yes, I definitely have fast cycling rather than the week to month long episodes described by some other people in this thread. Yesterday only lasted 24 hours, and then I crashed and felt depressed and finally slept. Today, I was feeling pretty good. I went to a friends BBQ picnic and played some beach volleyball, when suddenly out of nowhere I felt like I wanted to break down and cry. It went away eventually, but it's kind of a scary feeling. Most people have said that my symptoms don't read to them as bipolar, so it's interesting that you say this. I'm just going to leave a diagnosis up to the psychologist when I go in and just try to honestly describe my symptoms the best I can. I agree with what you said about functional depression.
I think maybe I didn't describe my feelings well... because a lot of people responded made it seem like I described just being a little down and feeling pretty good. No, it wasn't like that. When I'm depressed I can't concentrate on anything and have no motivation and often just lay on my floor. I can still go out with people, but it's mostly to keep them from feeling bad for me or knowing that something's wrong. And I didn't just feel good yesterday, it was almost too good. I don't know, I was having tingling, numbness, hot/cold flashes, and a slight warm euphoria as if I were high, thought I've never actually been high.
I forgot to respond to BipolaRNurse. While I admit I can be a normal collage guy who over thinks pretty much everything, I feel like I'm experiencing legitimate symptoms that are not normal. When I'm around my friends and they're telling me I'm acting like I'm on crack and constantly asking me what's wrong even when I'm unaware I'm doing anything, I think that's a sign that something could be wrong. I'm not trying to romanticize having bipolar because I see celebrities coming out and saying they have it. I don't want to be bipolar, I just want to find out what's going on. But thanks a bunch for your first hand insight, I'm taking what you say to heart. I know perfectly well that I might not have bipolar disorder, I might have something else entirely or nothing at all, though I kind of doubt that one.