HI Everyone.
I am so sick of this. My poor boyfriend. He was sound asleep next to me, doing nothing wrong and i found myself leaning over him ,screaming at him, "You know what? You are going to get yourself f*****g killed if you dont knock that off!" I was right in his face. I was responding to some girls in my dream that were making fun of me, calling me names and they said it was okay that they did it (called me names)because they 'knew my mother did it to me all the time' (whatever...dreams are weird.... and yes she was very very verbally abusive)...

.Ive been screaming in my sleep since I was a child, never remembered those dreams, just bloody screaming,3-30 now I am cursing like a sailor as an older adult and starting to remember them more....sometimes my bf lately goes and sleeps on the couch...and it is very awful when I do it when i go to friends' homes and stay overnight and my friend tells me that she thought someone was killing me or most recently when I stayed at a hotel with a friend and I woke up with a hand over my mouth b/c they thought the police we going to come because i was screaming like someone was trying to kill me, and I thought THEY were trying to smother me!
I guess some of you might say take sleeping pills. I have a new doc and he has diagnosed me with PTSD. I am in my early 40s now and I do not like this new cursing, violent sounding stuff....the screaming I could better tolerate, at least it wasnt so offensive and I never remembered it. My bf said I recently have been using a different weird voice too that he has never heard before, he taped me one night and it was so creepy I said, " Don't f*****g kill me, I 'm not ready to die." WHAT is THAT? creepy is what it is. Just for the record, I DO NOT swear on a regular basis. It is not like me to be throwing the f bomb around or talking in a low, little girl voice....wierd. HELP! I am not having him tape me anymore because it is too upsetting but I am bringing it in too my P-doc at my next appt. Is this repressed anger? I also have "illusions" where words change and stuff to scary stuff like rope could change to rape in a newspaper or harness to harass, weird s**t like that, I have a lot of anxiety, sometimes moving shadows can take on shapes, like when I lived in NYC I saw a lot of rats that werent there, it might just be a paper bag blowing by or a shadow might look like a meat carcass hanging near a wall....really gross stuff...right now that stuff is pretty much under control, just giving you an idea of the depth of the horrors of my mind and that this creepy voice and these violent threats may just be par for the mentally ill course of my craziness and I might just need to accept it??? or is it anger?? I donot have hallucinations....nothing happens, no voices, or images that are real..I mean I know they are clearly not...they just spook me and cause anxiety and torture me. Well, if anyone has any thoughts, it would help. Thank you forlistening Facing Chains