(((Tam))),

I am glad you are finding this support so helpful Tam. It IS very confusing and lonely when someone has PTSD. It is very hard to understand and also very hard to explain to the people around us as well. And when it presents the flashbacks and anxiety as well as an extreme "fight/flight" emotional rollercoaster, it is very scary.

Last year for me was such a challenge and I really felt so alone and on the edge of some kind of strange pit of total confusion. I spent a lot of time in PC and I just wrote a lot and posted in different areas. It was as though I had a part of me that could think and reason and advise, and yet another part of me that was very troubled and disoriented.

Because I am a middle aged woman and I did get through a lot in my life, I had gained a lot of experience in dealing with different things. And I had never sat at the computer like this and exchanged my thoughts like this before. I never tweeted or texted or facebooked etc. I had always been way to busy to do any of that. And I only had a very simple basic knowledge of the computer. I still don't know very much about the computer and how to access all the things I "could" do with it.

Having PTSD is like only having part of your brain to work with. And it can be so unpredictable because it can take over "ALL" of your brain and render it completely helpless at times. And to try to explain that to people around you that have absoultely no experience with how that feels? It is impossible to get them to understand it.

But to have a way of connecting with others that know what you are discribing and the private battle of it? That is so incredibly comforting and so important to the healing process as well. To have someone else that can relate to how you can think and be strong at times and yet extremely disfuctional and vulnerable and lost at other times? It is such a tremendous relief to the mind somehow. Especially when the people IRL keep trying to tell you to "just" and get angry when you can't and the PTSD just presents you with a lot of anger that somehow you need to just let out.
Yes, that is that extreme urge to "fight" part of the PTSD that comes from so much frustration at trying to work your way through it. And how much you want other people to just see how so very difficult it really is. It is like being on a distant planet all by yourself sometimes.

But to be able to be with someone who "gets" it, and who "struggles with it" as well?
Oh that is such a comfort and when they can be so sympathetic to the tremendous battle with it, wow, that is also such an incredible comfort.

To have someone who can see when you are in that "you" mode where there is a length of time where you can function and reason and even do that well. And yet when something triggers you, something that brings on that total state of confusion and strong "fight" or "flight" urge that you can't seem to stop somehow? Someone who knows that struggle and is patient and talks you through it until you can finally recover from that in whatever time it takes you? Some who is not going to be hard on you and put you down for something you honestly cannot seem to help? And know that you are really TRYING to figure out how to gain "control" over it? Someone that is going to encourage you, even believe in you and "care" about you and give you permission to "keep trying to work through it"? And even having someone whom you feel will also protect you when you do succumb to the power of PTSD? Someone who will say to you, yes, I saw that too, but thats ok because you are trying and I also noticed how well you rallied your way past that sudden onset of the "fight/flight" challenge that can be very strong and it did overcome you? Someone that understands that there are many times where in many ways you have to relearn how to gain control in a way you have never done before in your life? That it is a totally different way that people who do not have PTSD can manage to "just" do? Someone who knows all about the days where you are just so completely exhausted and scatter brained too? Someone who can say, yes, that was a very challenging day for you, and I am sure you ARE very tired and need to just hybernate in your room and be quiet for a while and NOT have any more demands to think put on you?

Wow, that is such a comfort and what is needed so that this "battle" with PTSD can slowly be won.

(((Hugs to keep trying))))
Open Eyes