CE, I think that if you want support, you kind of need to ask for support. You asked if this proposal you have was fair -- you didn't ask for support for the jealousy you are experiencing.

Manipulation doesn't require deceit. It just means trying to get someone to do something by doing something else. You seem to be trying to get your wife to feel as jealous as you do by saying you'll spend just as much money on your T. This doesn't seem to be about MONEY, as in currency, it seems to be about money as in VALUE. It's like you're saying, "If you value this trip more than my feelings, then I will take the value I have for your feelings and put it elsewhere, too." It's not a fair proposal because what your wife would be spending money on is for her personal enjoyment and does not come with the INTENT of hurting you. You would be spending money with the intent of hurting her back. That's not fair.

This seems like a rough situation, because if I put myself in your shoes, I would not want to tell my H no, you can't go on this trip with your brother, but at the same time, I wouldn't want him to go. However, there has to be a way to let her go and have fun, and find a way to deal with the feelings that you have that are more about you than about her. It might seem impossible, but I think if you focus on the feelings and not on actions that might make you feel better temporarily, you can find a way.