My mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a little over a year ago. Ever since, she seems to be doing more extreme things and exhibiting every symptom mentioned in the psychocentral bipolar description. I do not know much else about my family history other than my grandmother also suffered deep bouts of depression.

After reading the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder myself, I can relate to every single item, particularly when major life stressors happen.

A recent example:

Upswing:
I was "promoted" to a sort of administrative specialist role. Sometimes I stay up nearly all night talking about the possibilities of maybe someday becoming an executive myself or that my role is so important it could radically change the company. I become so excited that sometimes I can't sleep for days (maybe sleeping an hour or two), until I crash. I'm not really hungry, I talk excessively and so fast that no one really interrupts or adds to the conversation, I jump from one idea to the next (I feel so important and excited because I am constantly seeing things that I can change/fix. My manager recently stated that I have a lot of great ideas, but I can't possibly do them all...We need to look at the value of each suggestion. During our meetings, I quickly jump from one topic to the next. I feel impatient; I just want to do everything at lightning speed, which I feel may be impacting my ability to keep this job in the future. During these times I feel as though I don't need anyone and am much more likely to say something I will later regret to family and friends. Sometimes I do these things even though I know I shouldn't. I feel like I can't stop myself, and I want to calm down and sleep, but my thoughts race and there is just so much to do.)

Downswing:
I come down from my high and everything looks so gloomy. I see myself as no more than an administrative assistant. Nothing I do really matters in the grand scheme, and what kind of executive starts out at such a lowly position anyway especially when they can't seem to regulate their moods. I don't want to go out and explore the world, I'd rather sit and stare off into space. My ideas seem frivilous, and I wake up too early and can't fall back asleep. I'm always tired, even when before I could stay awake all night and still have energy.

I can't concentrate at work because I feel like everyone is talking about me. They can see how depressed I am and read me. I feel like I'm going to lose everything..what's the point? Caffiene can send me back into a euphoric state, where I feel like I can take on the world again. I usually avoid it unless I am dead exhausted because I know it is only a temporary fix, and I will crash again.

Am I crazy?

This is just a recent example. If I look at my entire life, I've been going through this all the time. It just doesn't usually take place so quickly. These moods described above go from week to week, day to day, month to month. I never know what I'm going to feel like next.

If I have this disorder, do I absolutely need medication?

I've never been one to take medicine unless I absolutely have to. I usually believe I can handle most of what comes my way through logical thinking and waiting for my body to heal. Could I just go to therapy, talk it out logically and be ok? It's just I don't always feel like I can control myself. I want to stop talking during one of my excited phases, but the words just tumble out. I know it may negatively affect important relationships, but I just say it anyway and feel bad about it later.

I realize no one out there has all of the answers. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am just digesting all of my moods again and trying to figure out my options...