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Hello everyone,
Iīm 24 years old and my father died 3 years ago. He was sick for one year with cancer. I have had several psychological difficulties since then and only 4 months ago discovered that it might have something to do with the death of my father, because I completely forgot about it since it happened and threw myself in studies and work.
I have discovered that feeling its all true what happened very much helps to feel "real" and like myself again (which is my biggest problem, derealization and depersonalisation). But it doesnīt stick.
I was wondering today, maybe it is not his past suffering that makes me dazed and unreal but my own fear of death?
I donīt know. My father was terrified of dieing. And I always was too since I was a child really. So maybe why I keep making it "unreal" in my head is not, the trauma of seeing him slowly die, but my own fear of death? what do you think?
does anyone else feel this derealisation?
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