Just Keep Going, if I were you I would see a psychiatrist and talk about these feelings you have. We aren't experts in psychiatry so we can't diagnose for you.

I can say that you don't sound crazy to me. Maybe an idea or two may be a little
unusual, but who hasn't had dreams and fantasies?

If medication is ever required, just ask for the lowest dose possible to stabilize the
chemistry which is out of balance in bipolar illness. (It can be an inherited illness.)

Don't judge yourself, please. Just continue to live by your deepest inner principles,
see the psychiatrist, learn more about how your behavior is enabling you to release stress, and look for the silver lining.

The closer we are to people, the greater the danger of explosions--sick, well, whatever; that's just a natural thing in emotions.

By the way, bipolar illness doesn't mean that one is crazy; it's a mood disorder, not an intellectual disorder. You may be very intelligent, as I suspect you are from your writing.

You'll feel much better after talking to a psychiatrist.

Good wishes,

Genetic