I have the same problem and am struggling to accept the fact that we will never like or really be acceoting of one another. She recently moved to where she'a a few hours from us and now it's been causing issues with my marriage. My husband keeps hoping that we could work things out, but it has become clear this past year that it will not be possible. She basically thinks of me as evil incarnate and every move I make is some attempt to split their family up. Right now I am just trying to allow my husband the ability to have a decent relationship with her (even though he gets upset almost every time they talk and he's never going to get the love, respect, and acceptance that he desires) and keep safe and healthy bounderies for our child. I wish I could give you more hope, but you definitely arn't alone. My husband and I have known each other for almost 10 years now and been married 4. The best advice I can give is focus on keeping the ability to be civil with her (I'm starting to lose this battle and it just adds stress for my hubby), and try not to discuss it too much with your spouse as it will jut cause more tension. T's are great to vent too.