I am so grateful to you all. I have no one else to talk to about this. It's just my daughter and I. My family basically consists of my elderly father who is about 3 hours away. We've only lived in this city since last October, so not much on the friends either. So, thanks for letting me ramble on here about this.

As far as the diary thing, knowing what I know now, I think she wanted me to read it. There were only 4 entries in it, and all since May and all regarding the assault and suicidal thoughts. One of the entries she made was that she wished someone would just ask her - that that would be easier than her asking. I remember the night she started writing in her diary because she came to the living room and out of the blue said "i have a diary now - it's this color and I keep it in my nightstand" At the time I thought it was so i WOULDN'T read it (though she never said that), but after today I think that was her first cry to me and one that I totally missed.

I've finally reached crying mode. And of course I'm second guessing everything I have done all in the name of trying to raise her in the healthiest environment possible. I'm trying really hard not to make this about me, but I hurt.

I had wanted so much for Courtney to have something better than I did.

BlueInanna: you said your daughter was cutting and suicidal at 14, is she still? or was she able to find different coping skills?