Hi Sky. Wow. I can relate to what you expressed in your post. One thing I wanted to write is that my therapist says you can recover from PTSD. My abuse was extensive and the process of recovery has taken a long time, but I can tell you it gets better- MUCH BETTER! My life and how I feel about it is completely different than it was. There is hope Sky. I so remember feeling like if this is all there is, forget it. I've worked really hard and had some excellent therapists, including the one I'm seeing now. When I look back at the first few years of recovery, it was hell. I remember the intrusive flashbacks and the dissassociation. Often now I feel so much freedom. I've been able to leave the flashbacks for the hour a week I'm with my counselor much of the time. I haven't been curled in a ball on the bathroom floor for years. I've learned how to get myself out of flashbacks. If you keep working it will get better. It has for me and my story is horrific. My heart goes out to you. Be well and don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens.