((((((((NYC))))))))))

I've had so many times in therapy when I needed to hear one thing (yes, it's normal, let's talk about why it might be happening) and instead heard another (are you trying to pick a fight?!). Those moments were so frustrating to me...because I *knew* what I needed and didn't know how to get it and it felt like T and I were just missing each other and it felt bad.

For me, it's really hard in the moment to respond in that situation. When I leave, I realize I could have said "no, I'm really not picking a fight, I honestly just wanted to know if it was normal because it's scary" (or whatever)...but in the moment, I used to freeze.

Over time, I got better at saying what I needed to say in the moment, but until then, I would write things down and take them to my next session.

I remember early in my therapy, my T and just TOTALLY missed each other in a moment like that and I felt really upset and wrote to him that weekend about how I felt, what i needed, etc. And when I saw him the next week I read it to him, and he HEARD me, and it was a turning point in my therapy. I realized that I needed to really tell him what I needed, and that if I did, he would hear me, and not be mad. It was huge.

Can you talk to her about it when you see her next time?

one thing I learned FOR SURE over the years is that it was never worth it to try to read his mind. It was impossible for me to not project all of my bad thoughts right into his head and assume he was thinking them about me. And I was pretty much always wrong.

Therapy is hard!!!
to you