want to ask something. but its really bad.
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***trigger warning***

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for some bad reason. im attracted to a part of what happened to me. an isolated piece. that happened regularly. and even though i didnt/dont like it. didnt understand it. didnt want it. i keep doing it. over and over again. i keep playing the terrible scene out. physically. and mentally. the words, the actions, the props, the feelings, the helplessness. ive been doing it. since stuff began. i can stop. is it a life sentence. for allowing wrong things to be done.