I know how you feel I seem to get to certain point where I think that I finally might have reached a happy point in my life and Im moving on, then all of a sudden I seem to hit rock bottom. Its like I get scared when Im benefitting from life and I can't allow myself to be happy. I wish I could remember what it felt like to be happy. I don't want to make it sound like its all gloom and doom but if other people can be happy then the question we should be asking ourselves is why can't we allow ourselves to have some of that happiness and keep hold of it?