Last time,I was admitted to hospital,I did go in the psych ward but I was treated terrible by a dr there which is why this time i said no.
the reason i ran was due to how that dr spoke 2 me about how ppl like me just needed to learn to control our emotions,that we are too challenging for the psych unit.
before august this year i was dx with depression and bulimia,when my abuser contacted me and it brought back memories long buried,thats when self harm came in to play,my emotions started going haywire.I am never happy ,no matter what emotion i show happinness isnt one of them and i always feel so empty inside that theres just a nothingness.like i dont belong here.BPD doesnt just suddenly develop in august.thats why i do not think i am bpd though i may have traits.with regards suicide.i at first think for a week or so,plan it then do it.i dont just wake up and say today i will top myself. i cud go in to more details about how i purposly chose a slow form of suicide rather then an instant one,as i rather die in hosp then alone and have chance to say goodbye to people.sorry sounds pathetic i know
I do always think of suicide btw.every single day.