It's now been two months since my husband died and it seems like it's getting harder. I'm so lonely without him. The past few day I can't stop thinking about him in the hospital. He was doing good, was joking and walking around feeling OK, and then they said he needed a balloon pump to help take the strain off his heart. That procedure put him in ICU on a ventilator. They they said they had to do the bypass surgery and he didn't survive. I feel like I should have stopped them from doing the surgery. I just keep reliving him talking and joking in the hospital, and he could even communicate on the ventilator by writing. I just keep thinking I should have done something, I should have known it would turn out bad. I know I did the best I could, but I don't know how to stop thinking about it. It seems like there's always something that brings back the memories and makes me feel guilty again. I just don't know how to keep away these thoughts that I should have done something different.