Kazza, I forgot that I wanted to address this part of concern about being diagnosed as BPD. Guess what? I wasn't diagnosed with BPD until I was 50 YEARS OLD!!! Yep, that's the truth. I suffered a severe depression resulting in a hospitalization. . . .very similar to your 136 section.

Before that and after the hospitalization I was and have been gainfully employed in the same professional job for over twenty-five years. NO ONE who knew me ever knew about the dark and painful moments that I struggled with for years. Not even my family! I just clamped down and dealt with it until I couldn't deal with it anymore---the walls of defense fell down and boy, when they fell, they really FELL!

Diagnosis isn't about age. It is about what has been going on in your life over time. If this is something that you have struggled with for as long as you can remember, than accept that and own it. If these feelings have only been for a few monts or a year, than it probably isn't BPD. But if you can honestly say that you have struggled with this pain and anguish for most of your teen/adult memory, than do some real exploration of what the diagnosis means and what can be done to help you reach the other side of healing. Good luck!