(((suzzie))),

I really sounds like you have PTSD and that repetition is what your brain can do when it is struggling with PTSD. It is your brain looking for a resolve, a way to overpower that bad experience.

It can be an effort to desensatize to the trama or it can be coming back as if to say,
"this happened can you believe it?" That is what I did a lot but I didn't realize it was a part of the PTSD. I could not find a place to put my past tramas on my own. And I didn't realize it consciously, I always seem to need to remember things over and over.
It wasn't until therapy that I realized that when I was small I did that as well in efforts to try to understand things better and see if I could learn how to stop things from happening and upsetting me somehow. Children learn from repetition with all things, and unfortunately they can repeat trama in their minds too, but not knowing what it means because they are just too young.

I hope that you feel better that you talked about this and know that others experience this as well. But you can learn to work through this.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes