Thanks for the support guys!

I knew it was going to be a bit different because the first session I went in, the T described what a schema was and gave me some papers that described what a schema is. And there was lottssss of examples of schemas there on those papers. One of them matched me exactly - the anger thing!

And it also answers why I cannot enjoy anything and apathetic all the time and can't shower/wash clothes/clean etc. No other therapy could tell me that. She even showed me a diagram that showed me visually why this is so - isn't that crazy? And it made a LOT of sense.

Apparently its because the "vulnerable" part of me wants to do these things, then the critical part of me kicks in and starts up with a vengeance. Then I get sick of the critical part so I go CHOP and cut off all the feelings and just put a stop to everything (via the schema) and its like the schema says "STOP... nobody move.. nobody is going to do a THING". But the bizarre part is that I have no awareness of any of this - its all subconscious. Something along those lines I think. But basically any time I have to access the "vulnerable part" of me my defense mechanism is to start up the schema and chop off the feelings and be disconnected.