Squiggle, this made me think of a quote I saw online the other day. It was something like, when we compare ourselves to others, we are comparing our inner lives to their outer lives. The idea being that people can project a very "put together" outer life while feeling very mixed up inside. Your comment made me think of this. That said, I can completely understand wanting to feel normal by seeing how your actions compare to t's. For me, t appears stable. I do not always feel stable. I want to emulate her thinking it will make me feel more stable.

My t will self-disclose, but only when it is helpful to what we are discussing. I know bits and pieces about her. But in some areas, my mind has "filled in the blanks" where I don't know things. For example, my t's office is very neat and orderly. So, I assume her home is also very neat and orderly. But part of me wants to confirm that assumption. I don't necessarily want to see her house or know where she lives. I just want confirmation that my assumption was correct.