Its hard getting a therapist you like and are comfortable with after being with one therapist for so long.

When I had to start seeing LL because SKR and I decided it was time to drop the therapy part of our relationship I knew there was never going to be another SKR for no one can replace her and how we did my therapy stuff. When I told this to SKR she told me that most people who are with a therapist for more than a year end up having trouble connecting to a new therapist because their mind is set in the way things were done with the past therapist. Most people end up bouncing around from therapist to therapist because on a deeper level their mind is still comparing who they see to the past therapist - their manerisms, ways of talking and handling situations and so on. She asked me to at least choose someone even if I decided not to stay with that person permanently but atleast choose someone so I wasn't left hanging with no one. I told her no I'll be fine. Well being DID when it came time for no contact for a year I lost it, I dissociated and came close to going off the deep end so to speak. Long story short a friend of mine contacted SKR and let her know I was crashing. SKR wrote me a letter again asking that I allow her to help me find another theraist. I agreed.

This time I went into this process of looking for a new therapist with an open mind set of no one was going to be SKR and right now and no matter who I choose I'm going to hate that person just because they are not SKR. I don't have a choice. If SKR and I are to be able to remain friends I have to see someone or lots of someones else for a year. So the first person SKR chooses for me I will take and I can either spend that time miserable because it isn't SKR and the person will have a different personality then SKR and will be doing things differently then SKR or I can say fine here is what I need to do to make myself be the best person I can be. No matter who I get my insurance is paying them to help me fix me. So that is what they are going to do -

help ME fix me in whatever ways I want to do it and how I want to do it.

I am the consumer here. When I go grocery shopping I dont buy things I don't like.

So I am going to set my own pace and set down my own goals for what I am going to do with or without this new therapist.

And thats what I did. I continued doing things the way SKR and I did things. I took the time with my new therapist LL as if I was taking a review course - I strengthed my grounding techniques, kept up with my journaling and art therapy, awareness therapy, sensory stimulation therapy, and so on and took my time explaining to LL what SKR and I were working on. If I saw at any point that she was not quite understanding what my therapy stuff was all about I took it down to her level so that she could follow along with what I was doing. and I took time to get to know her and her therapy approach.

My setting this slower but on my issues as I saw them pace also gave LL a chance to get to know me as a person. She saw that I was the one that was going to be the lead for now - for I came to sessions prepared with my journals, artwork, therapy projects, and let her know what I was working on, on my own.

Since therapists base their sessions on what a client brings in to the sessions either by actually bringing things in or by what the client is saying LL followed my lead.

Once I was confident that LL understood what I needed and how I do things I slowly started letting her take the lead.

I started out totally hating LL and ended up with a great therapist who wants whats best for me. I have now been with LL for a little over 2 years.

Maybe what I did will work for you. try sitting down writing down why you need to be in therapy, and what problems are that you want to work on, and ideas for working on them. Even if the ideas are totally off the wall put them down on the paper. Theres your problems and theres your goals and possible ways for fixing those problems.

Then open the phone book call a mental health agency and ask if they are accepting new clients. if so schedule an intake appointment,

Since you know why you want to be in therapy, what your problems are and possible ways to solve those problems you can go to the intake appointment with a clear head about the type of therapist that you need - someone with experience with the problems you want to fix, and someone who is flexible or open minded to the kind of things you would like to try during therapy time to try and solve your problems.

The intake person hands in your file to one of the supervisors and the supervisor reads what you said during the intake appointment and matches you with the therapist within that agency that matches what you need and what you want to do during therapy.

Sometimes you may not have a choice who you get assigned to for example I didn't have a choice. LL was the DID specialist with this agency so whether either of us liked it or not I was on her caseload and she was my therapist.

But just because you don't have a choie of who you end up with does not mean you cannot work with that person for you have set down wrote out your problems, goals and possible activities for fixing your problems. 98% of therapy is the client doing the work anyway. the therapist is there to point out areas that you are not looking at in the problem and suggesting possible other ways that may help you to fix your problems and sometimes yell at or with if you need to.

Good luck with your next therapist.