I deleted my other post, I didn't think it was entirely appropriate.

But here's what happened:

I called my family tonight. I get my "stepfather" (Actually common-law) and I tell him to tell my mother to phone me back because I say I was being a b**** and I shouldn't have yelled.

Here's the kicker though... He said I'm ALWAYS a b**** when I come home.

I didn't need to hear that. I don't even care if he was intoxicated when he said this (he may well have been) ... but that KILLS.

I am so hurt right now, its not even funny. I wonder if they would even care if they knew I was sorry for screaming at them. Or would my step-dad even care if he knew how much I cried after I hung up the phone?

I wonder if they even want to see me anymore.

As far as I'm aware, NOBODY else in my life thinks I'm a b**** or self-centred or anything like that. So why does he think that way?

I'm trying. I want a good relationship with my family, but I don't want to be treated like %#@&#! every single time I try to tell them how much some things they do hurt me.

Am I being a horrible daughter and sister here? I'm trying to protect them from the pain I feel and yet be there for my one sister (who is usually verbally and emotionally abusive) who is havinga really hard time with stuff right now (she's living provinces away with my grandmother).

I don't even know what to think anymore. I really think I should just crawl into a hole and stay there for the rest of eternity. Maybe then I wouldn't be such a b**** and a burden to my own family.

I don't know if me going home for half a day on my birthday in two weeks is a good idea anymore. (The family is "busy" doing a race the other half of my birthday).