My stress is pulling right down and I am trying so hard to not relapse. I'm bulimic and I'm fight it right now as i'm typing. I'm trying to sit still with my emotions and not block it out and run away with it. As I'm writing this and reaching out to the psychcentral community for support I'm listening to classical music, taking in deep breaths and slowing down my thoughts. I'm trying so hard to stay strong.

This all started when I thought of the things I need to do on my ToDoList and all of it began to consume me. There are so much I want to do, need to do, should do and I am so scared to fail. If I don't try then I've let myself down and others. If I do try I'm scared I'll fail and the results of that failure will consume me and show that I'm just not good enough. My thoughts been to race and I soon panic and I know nothing else but to shut down with the bingeing and purging. I then shut down mentally and just block it all out.

My ToDoList is:
*Apply to Social work graduate program and write my personal statement so prove to the program I should be allowed into their program. What to include in the letter, how vulnerable do I need to be, what part of my life is valuable etc..

*Develop a support group for people who lives with epilepsy in my community-none exist in my city right now (I have epilepsy)

*Study for the GRE exam for the graduate program

*Continue working on facilitating a self-empowerment project to prevent abuse for people with developmental disability.